haha

So i've started writing letters. Bet ya can't guess to who......oh, i'm so lame. And actually super pathetic. oops.

Summer 2008...thus far

Well I got what I wanted. I'm in the grown up world. I've decided to take some time off school and figure my life out. See if what I'm doing is what I should be. I didn't do so great with school this year anyway, I was super unmotivated and I had this persistent feeling that I needed to be doing something else. So i'm working. I answer phones for a living haha....

Soon hopefully I will find out if I'm going to peru or not. i really Hope i am going. But if I dont get in, then it means its not the right time. So i'll stay here and work.

Im in vancouver....its really awesome. I love it here. I decided that Im going to be here until at least december haha.

I like where i am, but i feel a little unsettled still. I dont know why though. It's a wierd feeling for sure. I miss everyone back home, visits are more than welcome!

Bowling

so this one time, i went bowling with a friend of mine. And at the time, i felt like this friend and I were very close. so, much to my excitement, we went out and ended up getting the same score! I took it as a sign that were were good together. But this friend of mine left, and that was a really long time ago. tonight i went bowling with some other friends of mine, and it should have been a really great time, but this other friend was all that i could think about. it's really unfortunate that i can't get this friend out of my head, seriously, i think there is something wrong with me. and now, i'm listening to music that wont make anything better. it is really just making things worse. on the bright side however, i'm not crying. that could be embarrassing.

The past month has been really insane. It was my birthday, which was pretty great. and i had a lot of fun out with some close friends and some new friends.
then i went to california, i went to visit my aunt and it was really amazing. i kind of wanted to see some friends while i was there, one in particular. but i didnt. which is okay, i'm kinda glad that i didnt, because i had a really good time anyway.

School is soon going to be really stressful, and i'm not doing very well in school right now. i hate that i'm not, i'm not trying hard enough i dont think. i should try harder. which is what i should be doing right now, studying. i have no motivation though. why am i even in school? i dont get it, it's not what i want, that's what i've decided. i want to be out there, experiencing life and not learning how many ways i can procrastinate writing a paper or how long i can put off studying. university, and growing up just stresses me out. i need something different, where i can grow up in a non stressful environment.

oh well
i need to study
i dont really want to
i should run
but i'm too lazy
it's too cold to be cool
i miss california
i need something to fill the loneliness i feel
i wish i could forget
i need to get my mind on something else
it's been too long.