it's a rant

my hair is huge, its the humidity i swear. sometimes i feel out of control, its my hairs fault. if i can get it under control then i come next. i guess that sounds stupid, and really it is. i cant stand school work, there is so much of it to do. it just sits there, mocking me, i can feel it. 13 more days, maybe my life will calm down. maybe it wont. i need to find a job. something that pays well. i need to pay for school. back to the school topic, its always there, lurking. im going to a prom next friday. not mine, someone elses. what does that mean. what it is supposed to mean. i dont know. can it be something? i secretly harbour feelings. for who? i dont know. damn. i wish i did. why is that feeling always there, i dont even know what it is. guilt? longing? not wanting to fuck everything up? i dont know. it's friggin hot. no, humid. thats it. im so tense. whats wrong with me. i need to escape. go somewhere. get a sunburn. sunburns are bad. i know, i've been told several thousand times. my wisdom teeth hurt. i need them out. too bad im poor. im in such a wierd mood. not happy, not sad. just anxious. like im waiting for somthing. im not though. thats just it. i wish i was going somewhere. anywhere. im such a dreamer. i want things to work out. they dont always. finally i've found out that after 7 years my mom has a gravestone. finally. its about time. i wish i wasnt a slacker. i want to run. but i cant. i have crappy endurance. maybe i should swim. that involves awkward times of the day. maybe i spend too much time thinking. i should stop doing that. just do some work. i feel like i'm never going to graduate. i feel like im going to fail. i wont. i just feel like it. too many people are leaving. im staying here. man that sucks. gah...